Ranking every Euro 2024 manager by how much we’d like to go for a pint with them
It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important amongst all the Euros hype and media saturation. We’re here to get back to basics—what really matters.
We’re here to address the perennial question, “Would we go for a pint with that international football manager?” We’ve really thought about this, and have ranked every single manager at the Euros from the manager we’d least fancy a pint with, to the most pintworthy boss at the Euros.
Let’s jump straight in, shall we?
24. Michal Probierz
So, Michael, you were named Polish Coach of the Year 2010?
“Yep.”
Right, well, it’s getting late, so…
23. Matjaz Kek
Other than the fact he is manager of Slovenia, we know nothing about this man, and there’s not an awful lot to be found about him on the internet.
This makes him a wild card. Might be sound, might be a nutter. One way to find out.
22. Julian Nagelsmann
Just got a feeling Nagelsmann would have bad pint chat. Like a footballing Elon Musk—gives us that sort of vibe. Not a good pub vibe.
You’d try to crack a joke, and he’d laugh briefly then perform a Lampardian transition into some serious tactics chalk. No, thanks.
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21. Gareth Southgate
Southgate would be perfectly pleasant company but you just know he’s on the 2.4% super-sessionable pale ale. What is the f*cking point? Have a pint or don’t have a pint—not bothered—but don’t half-arse it.
Could say the same about his football team, now you mention it.
20. Domenico Tedesco
Tedesco’s family moved from Italy to Germany when he was two-years-old. In Italian, ‘Tedesco’ means ‘German’. You’d imagine, at the age of 38, he’s sick of chatting about this. We’d mention it anyway. He’d hate us. Nobody’s having a good time.
19. Zlatko Dalic
Arguably Croatia’s greatest-ever manager owns a restaurant in the town that gave him his start in football management, Varazdin. It’s a sort of Hard Rock Cafe of Croatian football, with signed shirts, medals etc. adorning the walls.
Dalic gets a respectable berth in this ranking on the understanding that he brings us a signed Luka Modric shirt.
18. Steve Clarke
Steve seems like he’s having a rough time, at the minute; he looked pretty down after their dramatic defeat to Hungary.
Managed his first game in 1999, as caretaker manager of Newcastle United following the sacking of Ruud Gullit. He lost 5-1 to Manchester United. Clarke didn’t manage another game for thirteen years, when he took charge of West Brom.
This man has suffered. This man needs a pint.
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17. Luis de la Fuente
Literally no idea what Spain’s gaffer is bringing to the table. We have just seen a video of de la Fuente “going through a birthday tunnel” at Spain training session. It wasn’t as harrowing as it sounds.
16. Marco Rossi
Marco Rossi loves Hungary. He’s Italian, obviously, but managed to get the Honved job in Hungary by just asking the owner or Honved if he fancied giving him a job.
The owner of Honved is an American bloke who was born Gyorgy Szabo but changed his name to George F. Hemingway. Like the author.
We’d ask Marco about this Hemingway bloke over a pint.
15. Didier Deschamps
Can’t really imagine Deschamps on the pints. A red wine man, for sure. He’s on the Bordeaux, and he’s not saying anything inflammatory but his aura is patronising you to within an inch of your life.
On the plus side, you don’t manage France for 12 years, and win every trophy in the game—including the World Cup as a manager and a player—without accumulating some stories to tell at the pub.
14. Murat Yakin
The Swiss boss has the most Football Manager regen hair of any manager at this tournament, and that’s enough for us to grab a pint with Yakin.
Get me a regen of that pint, will you, mate? Ta.
13. Willy Sagnol
Willy Sagnol was a pretty high-profile player in his day. A mainstay as full-back for Bayern Munich and France, he probably has stories to tell.
Sagnol’s Georgia side are pretty hell-for-leather, and we hope that’s the Frenchman’s attitude toward the pub, too.
Also, anyone who has spent a decent amount of time in Bavaria knows their way around a pint.
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12. Edward Iordanescu
Romania boss Iordanescu used to date a Romanian popstar named Delia Matache. She released a single in 2020—14 years after her relationship with Iordanescu ended—called ‘Cum Era’.
Make of that what you will.
11. Sylvinho
Former Brazil left-back has Brazilian, Spanish, and Albanian citizenship. The man must breeze through airports with the greatest of ease.
He only played six matches for Brazil because, unfortunately for him, Roberto Carlos exists, but he did win the Champions League with Barcelona.
In terms of going for a pint… No idea. Got the look of a menace about him. Like he might get a drink in him and get a little cantankerous. Hope so.
10. Roberto Martinez
Bobby Martinez seems pretty well-liked within the game, so we reckon he’s probably decent company for a pint when he lets his hair down. Well… When he unshines his head. Is that the bald equivalent? probably not.
9. Dragan Stojkovic
In Serbia, Stojkovic is nicknamed ‘Piksi’ (Pixie) because, apparently, he looked like a character from, The Huckleberry Hound Show—a mouse called, obviously, Pixie.
He don’t look much like a mouse anymore, but he does speaks English, French, Italian, and Japanese, and has been awarded the Order of the Rising Sun, 4th Class, Gold Rays with Rosette in Japan.
The bloke has had an interesting life – come for a pint.
8. Ronald Koeman
Not really bothered about his managerial career, to be honest, just wanna know how he managed to reach double-figures for goals in literally ten of his seasons as a player.
Man was a defender. Bring back the sweeper/libero, and bring it back now.
Obviously, there’s a bit of beef between Dutch fans and German fans but, in our head, Koeman is rocking up in full lederhosen. Don’t ask us why.
7. Luciano Spalletti
Spalletti has a farm on a ridge somewhere in Tuscany. That’s lovely that. We want that. We’d absolutely love to have a pint and chat about Spalletti’s Tuscan farm with him. Si, si, si, grazie bloody mille.
TRY A QUIZ: Can you name the captain of every Euro 2024 squad?
6. Kasper Hjulmand
Denmark’s head coach went to a sports academy where he studied psychology, philosophy, and… Volleyball. I’m listening. We want to know all about that, please. D’ya want a pint, mate?
5. Sergiy Rebrov
Did you know that Rebrov takes part in ham radio contests? Nope, neither did we. Apparently that consists of trying to make as many connections as possible with other ham radio users within a defined timeframe. Honestly, still none the wiser.
It is, however, the sort of thing we’d like to find out about over a pint. Get yourself down the pub, Sergiy.
4. Vincenzo Montella
L’Aeroplanino is one emotional man, and we reckon the former Roma striker would be good craic at the pub. Pint of red wine, Mambo Italiano on the jukebox, Montella doing his aeroplane celebration around the bar. Class.
Beviamo, Vincenzo. Beviamo.
3. Ralf Rangnick
According to reports, the ex-Man United man has been blasting out Rod Stewart songs at Austria training sessions in preparation for taking his players to see the fella with the feathery hair and the skin-tight trousers.
The players don’t seem to have much of a say in this. Most of them probably don’t even know who Rod Stewart it.
The sort of nonsense hijinks we can get behind. Come for a pint, Ralf!
2. Francesco Calzona
Slovakia’s head honcho’s name roughly translates as Frances Trousers in English—that’s a plus point for the Italian. Calzona is good pals with Maurizio Sarri, and made his name as a coffee salesman before really getting into football.
An interesting man who managed both Napoli and Slovakia simultaneously, this year. You have to think he’s going to be chain-smoking ciggies all evening, making friends in the smoking area and bringing wildcard people into your group.
1. Ivan Hasek
The Czech manager isn’t just a football manager, he’s also a lawyer. This is good. You can do whatever you want on the night out and he’d get you off the hook. No jail today.
Bit of karaoke, few shots at the bar, feed one to the singing bass fish on the wall, get kicked out, taxi to the zoo, break in and release the lions, ride on rhinoceros back, egg an enemy’s car, get on the bus without paying, get kicked off the bus, forget about the lions, walk home, get mauled by a lion, f*cking die, get brought back with an adrenaline shot, get arrested.
Not guilty, your honour. I refer you to my lawyer, Mr. Hasek.